Hero? Harlot? Am I more conservative than I thought?

I'm a little torn about this after reading Joe.My.God.'s post. First off, I have to say that I admire and respect Joe ... a lot. I don't take what he has to say lightly. So Joe, if you read this, please keep that in mind. My respect for you is unending. Embiggening, even. :)

If you read Joe's post, he (and certainly not he alone - his blog is just where I started looking at this idea) is advocating helping out Mike Jones - the male escort who outed Ted Haggard and quite possibly helped to change the outcome of the recent midterm elections - with donations to him via PayPal. Part of me wants to jump on the bandwagon - I really do. But something in me feels uncomfortable with it. And there is where I'm torn.

Why should I support him? Well ... he came through and outed someone because he felt Haggard was being hypocritical - and in the worst way, an outspoken evangelical pastor out to influence the world. I absolutely disagree with "outing", but perhaps this was important. Perhaps showing the true despicable nature of hiding one's sexuality, of being ashamed of whom God created you as ... perhaps this alone was worth any backlash. If the Mighty Ted Haggard is a model of how horrible denying your true self is, then perhaps outing him made a difference.

Perhaps this added to a rolling landslide of the nation heading toward a Democratic congress. Perhaps this was the final straw that broke a few of the conservative Christians' backs, that showed that just because someone proclaims to be showing The Way To Christ (or to whomever) and has The President on his speed dial, doesn't mean that they are one fucking millimeter closer to morality than the People Like Me ... perhaps Mr. Jones will go down in history. Perhaps in hindsight I will agree that he deserves more admiration, more applause, more gain from this action than I am able to give him just yet. In light of the support the gay blog world has been showing him ... I almost hope so. Almost.

So why shouldn't I support him? Why shouldn't I send money to him, thank him for what he has done?

Perhaps I am a prude. Although, trust me, I have never been accused of that. But honestly, as much as he may have done for this election ... I don't want to have "won" by an escort who sold (or helped Haggard to acquire) crystal meth, having that image be our symbol of "victory", of how The Gays swayed the vote, the balance of power in the congress ... this reeks too much of the exact image that the conservatives and even the moderates have of gay culture. One of the first things that came to my mind when this all came down was George Michael being caught after cruising in a park in London, saying "this is my culture" ... and thinking, "Wait a minute - that's not MY culture!!!". I do not promote promiscuity. I do not promote public, anonymous sex. I do not promote prostitution. I do not promote drug use. I understand why - at least in part - the whole easy sex/drug and alcohol use/club scene came to define homosexuality. I lived my share of that culture (and not ALL that long ago, kids!). But - I also think we have outgrown that. That we NEED to outgrow that. That in order to progress, to move forward, to be accepted, to be a part of society without having our mere existence needing to be validated by persuading others that we're "okay" or "normal" - that we cannot give the rest of society more reason to stereotype us. I just know that many conservatives who DID vote Democratic may have considered the Haggard scandal as another part of "the corruption of the Republican party" ... but this also solidified many opinions of gays as promiscuous, drug-using, sex-for-money-or-whatever-it-takes degenerates.

Now of course, I do not know Mike Jones. I do not know his history. I do not know why he became an escort. I do not know anything about him, or, truthfully, other escorts. I honestly do not condemn him due to his profession, regardless of whether or not I like it. And I do know that many other people have a very different opinion of this whole thing. I do know that as of right now, I will not be sending him any of my money. I am thankful that he came forward, for whatever reason, and outed not just Haggard's homosexuality (or bisexuality, or whatever it is) but also his hypocrisy. I just cannot, in my best conscience, donate my money to him, regardless of any impact this all may have had on the midterm elections. Please, please, let me know your thoughts. Especially if they are opposite of mine. Maybe I'm missing something here. Maybe we all should give freely to him. Maybe we owe it to him to make sure that he survives, to know that we are thankful for what he did, to support and encourage speaking out against evil and things that are, well, just plain wrong. I want to embrace something that may have had a positive impact on our lives, but is this the way to do it?