Thursday, November 08, 2007

And now, for something completely different ...

To balance out my bitchy, self-centered rant of yesterday - a bad joke!!!! But one of my favorites:

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "You know, we've got a drink named after you".

The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Bob?"

*cymbal crash*

10 comments:

Michael said...

How about this one:

A horse walks into a bar--the bartender says "Why the long face?"

THANK YOU! I'll be here all week.

Claudia said...

giggle! Well I liked it...

Palm Springs Savant said...

hee hee an oldy but a goody for sure. love that one tho

Darth Gateau said...

reminds me of a joke about a centipede. I'll write it down for ya one day. Not sure if I should put it here as it's not as short as yours.
Maybe I'll put it on my blog.
Glad to see you're keeping your spirits up with jokes older than the Alps.u

Scott said...

A dyslexic walks into a bra...


...delayed cymbal *crash*.

somewhere joe said...

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar.

The bartender says, 'what is this, some kind of joke?'

Paul said...

Matt, Thanks.

I smiled. My gut started shaking. And I'm still laughing out loud.


I think he was in one of my favorite movies, "What about Bob?"

Sooo-this-is-me said...

A dog walks into a bar and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"

Many groans!!!

You and your blog buddies are making me lol for real! : )

Steven

Claudia said...

Tommy Cooper classics

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married
The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer than that then"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"So I rang up a local building firm,
I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up,and
he said 'You've been promoted.'
And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been
promoted again.'
And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'
And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said
'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can
you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other
"Does this taste funny to you?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and
the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I bought some HP sauce the other day.
It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that
he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
A strong currant pulled him in.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
An air disaster occurred early this morning when a small
two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
Search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so
far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night

Darth Gateau said...

OMG!! Excellent! I LOVE Tommy Cooper!
Those are so great, I laughed so hard a little bit of pee may have leaked out...