Scott usually works on Sundays. I should be running errands, doing laundry, cleaning the house ... but I just want a day to relax and do nothing, especially before going back to work the next day. Today, it was all I could do to get in the shower and get dressed, much less get any kind of work done.
I think it's in part because we had such a nice, relaxed day together yesterday. Finally. We sat on the couch, cuddled with one of the dogs, watched movies, and just enjoyed being with each other. We made dinner together. We had, by its very definition, a "Matterday".
And, while looking through some old records, he found something I had taken back from my Dad's house after his funeral three years ago. It was worn, tattered, in danger of completely dissolving, so he scanned it and printed it out on sturdy photo paper, and gave it to me:
This is a calendar page from December, 1968, that had been hanging on the side of the refrigerator in my parents' house since then. Notes in my Mom's handwriting mark appointments and events such as "Matt really started to walk instead of crawl" on the 14th.
I started to cry, and Scott put it up on the side of our refrigerator, where it will stay.
I've been pretty melancholy lately, the holidays do that to me, especially because there's never any time or money to make the Norman Rockwell holiday that we're supposed to have. There's too much stress and worry of whether I'll have my job for much longer. The bad weather the last week didn't help - two of the gifts I bought for Scott online still haven't been delivered. And I talked to my brothers on Christmas for the first time in probably a year, and realized how much I miss them.
So having a day with Scott, to just be, to cuddle, made me feel better. I want more. I wanted that again today. I've been watching outside for his car since 5:00, but he called at 7 to say he wouldn't be home until after 8 ... so, I sit. And wait. And want so many things to come back. My Mom and Dad. My family. My childhood. December 1968.
I want Scott to come back home from work. I want another Matterday.