Needing some good thoughts.

My brother is in the hospital. He may have had a heart attack, but there is no definitive word yet. He had pressure in his chest and just generally didn't feel good, so he went to the emergency room this morning. He's on quite a few medications, so his blood pressure is coming down some and his latest EKG is in the "normal" range, but they're monitoring his heart rate and enzyme levels. His heart rate was pretty low but his blood pressure was high when he went in. He's due to have stress-testing done in the morning and then they'll know more.

He's only 40 - a year and twelve days older than me - and I hope this is not as serious as it might possibly be. I talked to him for almost an hour this afternoon, and he sounds okay - tired and a little scared, but was making jokes and sounded like his good ol' self for the most part. My oldest brother is planning on going to the hospital this afternoon to spend some time with him. I suddenly wish I didn't live so far away. I'd be in that room with him 24/7.

If there's such a thing as good karma and positive energy in the universe, he certainly deserves all of it. If you believe in that too, please send it on. Please.

Thanks. Many, many thanks.

My NOT so strongest suit ...

I almost forgot ... me in my interview togs ...

My strongest suit ...

So I got up this morning, ironed my snazzy interview clothes, pushed the dogs outside (yeah, they were REALLY happy about that) and headed downtown for my meeting with the recruiter.

I took a slew of skills-evaluation tests - and did pretty well, thank you very much. Embarrassingly enough, what I considered my strongest points were not my strongest results. But, nothing devastating ... more laughable than annoying. I really blew them away with my data-entry skills. :)

Apparently there are a LOT of jobs out there that I am a strong candidate for. Right now, I'm actually looking at temporary and temp-to-hire positions; I want to make sure that I fit the company and the company fits me before either side makes a commitment to the other. I'm actually kinda excited about this. I can make better money than at my last job, get benefits, get regular feedback from the company I'm working for (something sorely lacking from my last long-term employer), and comparison shop for the job that fits just so, instead of grabbing the first thing off the rack. Sounds silly, I know - but it's a luxury I never had the confidence to do in the past.

More news as it comes. Wish me luck, kids.

A New Year, A New Beginning ...

So now it's the New Year. Holidays are over, people are back to work, the tree has been taken down ... this is always a depressing time of year for me. There always needs to be something to look forward to, and right now I'm not sure what it is.

I left my job of 7+ years last December, and started a new job last January. After three months, we parted ways (pretty amicably) because it just wasn't the right fit - it wasn't really a full-time position for me, and while I loved the agency I was working for (an AIDS advocacy group), the job itself wasn't enough to keep my interest, and they knew it. That was the first time I've ever been let go from a position. My ego is still bruised, to be honest.

I've mentioned before that my Dad passed away in October of 2005. A chunk of my inheritance came through before the end of last year ... and I can't begin to describe the freedom that gave me. After many, many years of struggling just to keep my head above water, I was solvent. All of our debt was paid off, I bought a new computer and a new car, we travelled a little ... it was a completely different reality. I decided that taking some time off from working was the perfect thing to do, and probably the only time in my life that it would be possible. So I talked to some friends about changing careers, started thinking of possibilities, and enjoyed the fact that I didn't HAVE to scamper for a job. I took a long, long vacation.

But it never really seemed like such a great vacation. I was bored - everyone I knew was still working full-time, and there's only so much time and so many things that can be spent/done by yourself before you realize that everything is hollow when it's all done in solitude. Of course I had Scott, but he's always worked at least 50 hours a week, so we still only saw each other one or two full days a week. I was hoping that this time off would give me more insight into myself, more self-reflection and self-evolving and that BAM! something would suddenly throw itself in front of me and I'd know exactly what my life was going to be about. I was expecting too much.

It hasn't happened that way. I still don't have the opportunity to go back to school. No career epiphanies have come along. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. (Well, I STILL want to be a musician, but that's a long story and won't be my life path in this lifetime ... )

So now, it's a New Year. New opportunities. New goals. New things that need to happen in my life. I'm looking again at accounting jobs, which I was sure I wouldn't go back to - but, it's what I can do, and pretty well, too. I got a call back from a recruiting firm this afternoon, so we'll see where that will go. They're excited about my resume and my experience ... and I should be ecstatic. Maybe I will be. Maybe I expect too much, maybe too much to just be handed to me, maybe I'm just not enough of a "go-getter" and that's why my music career stalled way back when. I want to be excited about what I'm getting up to go do each morning, to be happy and fulfilled and bring THAT home with me, not just stress and exhaustion and dealing with day after day after day.

So, even though this sounds like a whining, complaining, not-exactly-what-one-is-supposed-to-post-in-the-New-Year entry ... I need to believe that something good is about to happen. That a new page is about to be written in my life, and that I am strong enough to make it a good story. I do want to feel good about what I'm doing in my life, and soon.

L'heure de la sortie

We made a video of our New Year's Eve celebrations - we're quite the dancers when we get a few drinks in us ...



Doesn't Scott look like a young Celine Dion??